Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
