Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
