im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize