I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
