god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
