@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
