Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
