who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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