the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
