That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
