I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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