im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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