Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
