Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
