K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
