Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
