whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
