I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize