I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
