I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
