Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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