you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize