I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
