There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
