you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you would pick up someone in the library
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
