a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
