Betty ford says i'm here all night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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