New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
