Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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