and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
