So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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