I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
