ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
