i was born a porn star she said
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
