BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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