i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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