If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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