clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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