You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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