well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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