Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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