i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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