she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
