mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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