when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
