Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
