god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
