PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
