I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You smell like stripper and shame
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
