saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
