An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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