I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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