I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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