How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
