somebody snuck up and got me drunk
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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