should my penis look like a turkey
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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