plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize