You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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