I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
