Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
