If i come over, it means nothing
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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